"You Need To Shut Your Lips And Learn"

Disclaimer: Do not read this if you are over the age of 45, offended easily, or are my parents or grandparent. You will not be happy after reading this. As for the rest of my AWESOME readers, get ready you're in for a treat.

How to Suck at Cheating on Your Girlfriend: AKA HOW TO SUCK AT LIFE
1. Having a Facebook
2. Having friends that have a Facebook
3. Knowing people that know people
4. Thinking you are a smooth talker but really you're not
5. MAKING UP STORIES about not having a girlfriend
6. Lying to a girl that has an AWESOME blog and doesn't mind talking shit about you on it.. oh snap that's me
7. Being a GUY... I'm sure Lesbians would do it better
8. Lying to a girl who does research for a living, lying to a girl who is A GIRL.. they ALWAYS find out.. are you worried yet? You should be.

9. Thinking you got away with it.. even after a year they find out, so go ahead and admit it. The worst that can happen is that they will dismember you or that you just got some sexually transmitted disease (in that case you should just go ahead and dismember yourself)
10.  Right now you should be worried. Sweating. Can't stop thinking about it? Chest a little tight? Checking your shit out down there to make sure you're okay? HAUNTED yet?????


How to Cheat like a Pro:
1. Make up a new name: Decius Luke Forgettem After You Freaking Meet
2. Make up a new life: Your an Alaskan King Crab Fisherman (Trust me they won't want to go to Alaska to visit you) DO NOT SAY SOMETHING EXOTIC, THEY WILL COME VISIT YOU
3. Drive a bicycle: NOT a MOTORCYCLE... A bike. That way you can't take anyone else with you. One seater. Don't forget your bike helmet. Shows you're committed to cheat- fest.
4. Create a fake Facebook account using your new name and life so that way you look legit. Just grab some pictures of Alaska off of Google. Don't forget to throw in some pictures of you at work on a fishing boat.
5. MAKE YOURSELF UN-REMEMBERABLE! THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT. That way you can cheat a lot.

Dear boys, You are welcome for the tips.Good Luck in life. I hope you alllllllll find happiness.

How to be Awesome: Don't cheat, don't think about cheating, don't talk about cheating, don't think about talking about thinking about cheating. Just don't cheat. 


On a brighter note: I got asked to be a resident blogger and have an internship this summer to be an Editorial Team member for a magazine. Two-finger clap. Yes!